If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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