she was so not down for the gang bang
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
