Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
