we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
This is not my ceiling
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
