I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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