Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
