My hand turned me down
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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