Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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