Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
