Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
