I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
