he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
