He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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