Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
