I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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