threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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