I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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