it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
