Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
