Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
