I hate all girls vehemently.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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