The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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