My room smells like vodka and shame
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
