I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
