last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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