You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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