Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
