i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
