Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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