threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
