somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
