I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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