you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
