Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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