apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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