I love black thongs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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