Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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