when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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