turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
