I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
