My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
