I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize