My liver just broke up with me...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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