i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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