is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
