By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
