ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
