This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
