I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
