So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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