You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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