my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
