She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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