I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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