The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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