I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
