Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize