ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
