i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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