I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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