You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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