Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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