Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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