I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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