He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
