Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
