I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
