Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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